I bought a new used car.

Car purchases are many things: Nail biting, stress inducing, and least of all a test against the foundation of a marriage. Surprisingly, they are also very effective conversation carriers.

I am truly surprised at this. I don’t know why people care about cars so much. This is not referring to when the people buy a car themselves (see the reasons stated above). This is referring to the excitement for when someone else buys a car. The people in my circles are more excited than the salesman for my new car purchase, and they’re not even getting threatened to act this way. These people honestly want to know what car model I have now, what happened to the last vehicle, and whether or not it can refill the national blood supply shortage. Odes of congratulations fill up my inbox from the 2 neighbors that I know. My own grandmother was surprisingly giddy over a live phone call about my new car. I am grateful for the community support. I only wish I understand why I’m getting it.

In my own demographic, my immediate family who held my inheritance over my head if I didn’t involve them in the buying process. This is to be expected. At one point all of these family members worked together at the same dealership ON THE SAME DAYS and spent unlimited amounts of quality bonding time gossiping about the service techs. Sometimes they corner me to talk shop and talk trash about the car industry. I understand very little, if any, of what they’re saying. It’s completely possible that one or more of them have confessed to me where they hid laundered cash into the trunks of trade ins, but one can only wonder.

But because this a society where I aim to fit in or otherwise fake it until I make it, here’s my “New- It’s Actually Used But New To Us” car:

To answer the questions you’re not undoubtedly asking:

1. New car: Nissan Versa Note 2015
2. What happened to the old one: The transmission went through reverse metamorphosis & collapsed into a puddle of soup. In that soup, some rubber straps that held together the vroom vroom box disintegrated like Thanos’ snap, AND THEN the passenger side window wouldn’t roll down anymore. We’re lucky to be alive is all I’m saying.
3. Can it donate platelets: Yes.

I am crazy grateful we could buy this, even though it cost the total amount of our savings, including Junior’s college fund. (Now he won’t be able to get a quali-kitty education 😦 ) and briefly tested my marriage. Now, we are the proud owners of this zippy thing thang that squawks under the hood when it’s too cold outside & gets MPG so high that a single cross country drive would actually reverse global warming. And it even has a USB cable & limited bluetooth capability so that I can white knuckle my way to pick up groceries while listening to my murder podcasts. Oh! ALSO! It fits ALL 3 car seats AND has way more than necessary but still exactly enough drink holders! ISN’T IT SO FUN? Does anyone else have a car like this?

Crap. I think I just became one of those people who cares about cars.

Thanks Dad for helping me find this car 🙂