You guys. You ggggguuuuuyyyysssssssss.

While starting a new teaching job this pandemic, I also thought it would be just a super duper good idea to take some college classes at the same time. My life this semester has been the equivalent of operating 4 boiling pots on the stove, all requiring different heating temperatures and stirring instructions, and something is always catching fire.

Except that the pots are actually people.

This week was finals week. On the day of my hardest exams, I thought I’d give myself the treat of a peaceful morning before diving into the fray.

Well.

I began my day at 7:55 am with a hot and long shower. I mentally planned out my day while rinselatherrepeating shampoo through my hair. With the full force of a semi truck making roadkill out of my body and soul- I realized that my first final was at 10:00 am.

10:00 am EASTERN TIME.

NOT UTAH MORMON TIME.

NOT EVEN UTAH TIME.

EASTERN WASHINGTON WHOLE LOTTA DC TIME.

For my first final, I had to present a mock entreprise and a marketing plan to my professor over zoom in literally 5 minutes. And I was STILL SHOWERING.

With shampoo bubbling in my hair and no underwear on, I logged onto zoom at 8:01 in a blazer and T-shirt to deliver the 20 minute presentation.

My hands SHOOK the entire duration of the presentation and I laughed way too loudly while my cats screamed at each other underneath my chair (WHY)

But I did it.

And I PASSED.

After cheerful goodbyes were made, I recovered for the ordeal by systematically stress screamed into a pillow and deep cleaning my house until my 3 hour long macroeconomics final began. Which I also passed. Finally, the day ended in spontaneous stressed human combustion.

Nowadays, if you listen carefully during finals week, you can still hear the faint shrieks of a crazed mother/teacher/student presenting a college final half naked.

You’re welcome for the urban legend.