I was exposed to COVID from work.

At the time of writing this, I have been totally symptom free. I will be ending my quarantine from the general public this week and returning to work to teach my students about the wonders of the FICO credit score.

Or, I’ll die by then.

You really just never know.

During quarantine, I had a realization about my poor eating habits. I’ll share it with you now. Ready? Here we go: Have you ever realized that fruit is unstable?

Though I want to be healthy and lean and toned and not gasp for air when I jog the few steps up to my front door, I’m also very wary of healthy food. Especially fruit. Because you never know when this blueberry is going to be sugary sweet and make it worth to go vegan OR if this bite is going to be so sour your mouth puckers out like a fish and now nobody is going to ask you to dance at the ball.

I can’t handle these kinds of debilitating future scenarios.

But. Do you know what isn’t debilitating?

Candy. Chocolate. Bread. Fries. Eggnog.

Okay, I take back eggnog. Eggnog is lowkey debilitating. It’s too rich and too perfect and glorious for my palate. I can’t drink it unless I water it down with milk. (Milk it down? Spike it with milk? What’s the phrase I’m looking for here?)

This is my story for you today: Here’s how I almost died a second time this weekend.

I’d been eating cake for every meal for a couple days, and unfortunately, it was starting to show. As the responsible and still-fit-in-my-jeans person I aspire to be, I decided to relax on the sugar and choose a more positive snackery during my homework hours.

So I turned to an old favorite my grandma introduced me to: Chopped walnuts mixed with some chocolate chips and cranberries. It is delicious. It is healthy – ish. It even has fruit. I was v proud of myself. Taylor was v proud. We, as a community, should be collectively v proud of myself for choosing the better, higher way of living. I made this delightful snackbowl and munched away while working on a marketing proposal assignment.

About 15 minutes later, I noticed that my mouth was starting to burn.

Weird! I thought with a chuckle, popping in another handful of walnuts and licking my fingers for good measure.

About 10 minutes later, I felt my bottom lip start to swell into a fat lip.

Good thing Taylor’s already committed to me! I chuckled again, and ate another handful.

Then all at once, my top lip swelled, my mouth was DEFINITELY hot, and my throat was itchy.

At this point, I asked casually Taylor “Does my mouth look… poofy?”

“Yes it does,” he responding, a worried crinkle creasing his adorable forehead. “Are you breathing okay?”

At this point, I sat back and looked shocked at my delicious healthy-ish snack. Had my walnuts betrayed me? Was I now… allergic?

One Instacare visit + a hearty meal of benedryl later, a puzzled doctor said I was definitely reacting to the nut + cranberry combo, but it’s strange because I have no food allergies to anything ever. I left my prescription for a couple Epipens and was told to banish my beloved walnuts until an allergist gave the okay. And not just my walnuts, but the cashews, pecans, and all the delicious holiday treats about to bequest my table at Thanksgiving.

It was not a happy holiday.

Fortunately, at the time of this writing, I have not died. I will see an allergist over Winter Break. Though Thanksgiving pecan pie is going to be a wash, maybe, just maybe, Christmas might be saved.