Every year, Taylor’s parents host an adult easter egg hunt. It is singularly the happiest and most stressful event of the year. It’s like Christmas meets Christmas.

The grandkids go first to set the mood.

Tiny legs zoom across the front lawn. Eager eyes track for the colorful plastic eggs. After the kiddos have 10 eggs each in their grocery sacks, they dump their treasures onto the sidewalk. Some eggs have delicious candy. Other eggs have a few coins. This year, the kids scored big with a cotton candy container and a dollar bill each!

Then it’s time for the adults.

PART 1: THE HUNT

The adult kids receive a plastic grocery sack. We gather in a bunch, all looking like nervous teenagers about to meet Ed Sheeran for the first time. Mike, my father-in-law, lays down the rules. He says things like:

“You each get nine eggs.” “Pulling a pregnant woman off a tree is against the rules.” “Hannah, stop beating on Preston.”

The whistle blows.

War has begun.

Eight very mature, career-living, respectable adults take off, shoving each other out of the way. Speeds vary on how gravelly our knees are feeling that day. Shouts and cries fill the air. Pseudo-threats are exchanged. Pregnant women are pushed off trees. Taylor trips Maren and blames Suzy for the crime.

We army crawl through prickly bramble, stick our hands in dark holes, and peek into the composting chicken manure. The poop, sweat, and tears in our eyes are worth it in our search for the good and best eggs.

There is a hierarchy to egg worthiness. A quick shake of the egg by the ear determines its contents. A dull clunk means there is candy inside. Candy eggs thrown aside for the next loser to find. A metallic clink means there are coins inside. Coin eggs go in the bag, and the hunt goes on.

Of course, we’re not just looking for good eggs. We also hunt for the sparkly eggs. Every year there are 1 or 2 of these. The golden egg has the first cash prize, and the pink egg has the second cash prize. These are the coveted eggs, not just for the financial winnings, but because of their certainty. Whoever finds the cash prizes keeps the money. The coin eggs, however, are on a loan for Part 2.

Eventually, the runs slow to a pleasant stroll through the gardens. Now that all the coin eggs have been collected, the candy eggs are relunctantly gathered. Someone finds the golden egg. Someone else finds the pink egg. The hunt is over.

It’s time for part 2.

Part 2: The Auction

We gather to count our wages. Those who receive more than $1.62 are in the coveted upper-class bracket:

Meanwhile, these impoverished street urchins feast on candy eggs:

Mike & Sherry reveal 8 mysteriously wrapped packages. Earlier, any tension we had felt in the egg hunt had burned off by all the running. Cortisol now makes an impressive comeback and sits at record highs as each person bids to receive a box. One by one, each person claims a prize.

There is no guessing which gift might be “nice” or “gag”. Preston once got a USED “how to belly dance” kit. Maren got some funky socks that she now dons every Easter. Hannah once got a Lego set. Taylor got a can of spam. It’s all so random and so, so fun. The coins are returned to our hosts to use again next year.

Thanks so much for letting the adults be kids again, Mike & Sherry ❤ ❤ ❤

Love you guys so much! 😘