I’m worried about my babies. Specifically if they are affected by the issues that Tay and I working together through right now.

My husband and I have been carrying an incredible amount of emotional and mental weight this last year. And that weight is compounded from old traumas of a decade ago that just couldn’t stay buried any longer. Of course, doing the work to improve mental health is SO good. But it’s a strenuous process. Tay & I can’t help but wonder how our stress lately is impacting the littles, though we try as hard as we can to keep it private.

Plus, it seems like everyone in our family is having a rough season of life right now. Grandparents. In laws. Spouses. Kids. Definitely the kids. I wonder if my children are having a rougher time than normal, or if I’m just more in tune with them lately. Maybe they can sense the constant stress around them and are internalizing it themselves. Maybe it’s a bit of both.

The kids know a little bit of what’s going. They know some people in the family are sick and that we worry every day for them. They know that Mommy has random episodes of sheer panic and has to be in her room for a little while. They know that Daddy is tired. Always tired.

The load of childrearing seems to be heavier than normal lately. As the stay at home parent, the majority of their needs are filtered through me first. Here are a handful of exhausting messages waiting for an immediate response.

• A email from my child’s teacher who is struggling to stop my child stop back-talking in class. Back-talking? Where did this come from?
• A text from Taylor with an idea to better for our nightmare bedtime routine. Something about 6 o’clock causes the kids to snap and act out in every way possible. It’s been awful lately. We should work on it. We’re too tired to work on it.
• A diaper neatly folded in my purse. Just thinking of potty training ties my stomach in knots. Please let this kid be the one who “gets” it.

These incidents aren’t mindblowingly awful by any means. They’re just part of life. Kids will act out from time to time, others will have special needs, and not one child gets potty trained in a day, no matter what the parenting bloggers say 😉

It’s a tough season of life. And a mother worries how it shapes her babies.

6 am snuggles with a snoozy little boy ❤