I don’t play games on my phone. Not just because I am a prude. But also because if I got started playing games then THERE WOULD BE NO END.

Case in point: Taylor introduced me to a computer game called Civilization 5 last weekend, and I’ve spent 30+ hours on the computer raising up a country. How did I manage this? Well, it was hard work, but nothing that missed homework deadlines and child neglect couldn’t help.

Also, I should ever get a tattoo because then I will be so covered in body art that I will pee ink.

aNYWAY. I had a moment of weakness when Taylor’s grandfather had the audacity to challenge my intellectual gaming abilities.

You may have decades of reading and wisdom, Grandpa, but I am COCKY and CUNNING.

I WILL DEFEAT YOU.

Unless, of course, I don’t. Because this game is about tile placement strategy, and not just for show.

Round after round he defeated me. I challenged my dad to a game between rounds. I lost to him, too, which fueled his mockery that I’m trying to get a college degree.

But I was not all terrible. After avoiding my children for a few days, I figured out how to play expressive words in a strategic way. BEHOLD:

Eventually, the cries of my husband and children and professors called me out of the virtual-reality and back into reality-reality. It was time to log off, for good.

But not before I discovered the delightful underbelly of Words with Friends 2: strange old men who hit on strangers!

This man ghosted me after I brought up bathing my cat. What a disappointment.

I honestly don’t know what to make of this one. If you weren’t looking for marriage, THEN WHAT WERE YOU LOOKING FOR MICHAEL?!

The dating world through Words with Friends is a shaky one!

Now I’m off to sell my soul and the happiness of my children to Civilization 5. Wherein the dumbdumb computer players thwart my plans to startup a lovely little village and universities. The comp will not stop declaring WAR on me. the AUDACITY. FOR MY CITIZENS I WILL DEFEAT YOU.

Unless, of course, I don’t.