One of Utah’s bragging rights is our very own roller coaster amusement park that’s opened in October just as it starts to snow and we call it Frightmares.

It’s not a very large amusement park. I mean, there’s plenty to do in a full day’s work. I just don’t know if you can, or would want to, spend any more time than that there. (Admittedly, this is coming from someone steadily approaching 30 who also gets increasingly more headaches if she doesn’t go to bed at 9, so there is that.)

But for one full day: It’s hours of standing in line, a half hour of spinning yourself senseless, and steaming churros. And it’s SO much fun, especially with your hilarious sister in tow.

My sister, Ky of the Coconut Pie, had a work event there. She invited me to be her plus one. I lucked out that her fiancee passed up the fun bc he’s in his 30s and wasn’t about to subject himself to vertigo hell from all the spinning rides. I dutifully showed up in my best dress & best attitude. My goal was to dazzle all of my sister’s superiors into giving her a $9,576 pay raise + a cage of chinchillas.

Kylee and I started with our favorite ride: The White Roller Coaster

This particular ride has been built, and rebuilt, multiple times because it kept catching on fire.

Luckily, with the pouring rain, we didn’t worry about fire. We did, however, express concerns to Lagoon’s upper management and to President Biden that there are new, bad sounding noises every time we ride. It’s always a question if we’re going to be the final victims of the White Roller Coaster.

We rode all the rides that Taylor wouldn’t ride with me back in June. (He, too, is also in his 30s and has subsequently entered the I Have Fun Watching You Have Fun stage. DO YOU SEE A TRENDING THEME HERE.)

Hardly anyone came to celebrate Kylee’s employment:

Actually, the lines were quite short during the rain. Once it stopped, then it took forever to get into somewhere. During these long waits, Kylee & I exchanged memes, childhood traumas, and debit cards. All in a day’s work!

She held my hand through one of their haunted houses. This was my first one in years and I really liked it! But indulge me to go full Karen for a minute.

I DID NOT LIKE THE LITTLE PUNK WHO SCREAMED IN MY FACE WHEN I HID BEHIND ANOTHER RANDOM PATRON. Y’all. He had seen me pull back (fine), and hide behind another patron (fine), and of course tried to scare me (fine). But then he turned into a jerk screaming into my face like a drill sergeant. He wasn’t being scary, but he certainly went overboard channeling his ROTC traumas into a random customer. I kept my fists balled in my pockets, telling myself he’s just an actor, a kid really, and he didn’t deserve my poorly aimed and lightly padded punch in his gut. Mostly didn’t deserve it, anyway.

Over dinner, the CEO of the company gave a thankful speech, directed at the families of the employees. He asked for a show of hands who was a romantic partner to the employees. Against my will, Kylee raised my hand, so I can only assume there was a tradeoff earlier between Kylee & Taylor without my knowledge.

I met Kylee’s coworkers, including an incredible woman who made an impression on me as a devoted and interesting person. She was helping raise her granddaughter while caring for her own teenagers at home, supporting her neurosurgeon husband, and meanwhile killing it all her own career. It’s not the busy-ness that I was impressed with (though she certainly is!) but how invested she was in the moment with whoever was with her. I also loved that she let me hold the grandbaby for a minute, who was an absolute angel to snuggle! #Someonegetmeababy

The night ending by riding bareback on a carousel of randomly assorted animals. As we screamed like banshees, fighting against the currents of centrifugal force, the owner of Kylee’s company stopped by and waved at her.

Obviously, Kylee came into work Monday morning with a slight salary increase and a coupon for “Bob’s Petting Zoo Market”.

Thanks for making me your +1, my dear!!!!