I made this joke on Facebook and like 75% of my facebook friends understood that it was a joke but then there were these people:

Friend 1: You’re interesting to me!

Friend 2: Insulation? That’s the carpenter’s dream! Nice work! Keep acting like an adult!

Friend 3: OMG YOU’RE SO FUNNY HAHAHAHA

Okay, I made up Friend 3. But honestly, I was just poking fun at my actually boring self. (Don’t argue with me on this. I read finance textbooks FOR FUN.) But everyone needs good Facebook friends who are quick to give you praise and love, even when you’re just messing around. (Thank you sweet friends!)

Anyway, to continue my coke line of fall break productivity, I finally got around to hanging new curtains. And by “new” curtains, I mean for the first time since we moved in exactly 364 days ago.

Our dainty kitchen went from this:

To this:

Now, I know you’re all just DYING to know where I spent my husband’s hard earned dollars on this. Donchu worry gurl, I gotchu. I bought these for $10 from the clearance rack at Walmart. I never did find a 44-inch set of curtains that I liked, but it occurred to me that some reallllly smart man/woman/child/dumbledore once invented the scissors, and this was a perfect occasion to make good on their invention.

I asked Taylor to capture this because I have a lot of memories of my mama on the floor cutting up large rolls of paper or fabric for her crafts while the cats’ paws constantly got in the way. Love when things come full circle like that.

Taylor is funny when it comes to house decorations. He insists that he “has no style” except for “whatever my dad likes” and says with finality and a touch of annoyance, “Honey, I honestly don’t care about decorations” and “Just do whatever you’d like, Sweetie”And then I’m like, cool. Imma just do whatever I want then. But as soon as I’ve done the thing that I want, with his unwavering support, Taylor will suddenly burst in with opinions about how he unequivocally hates all my ideas.

This time was no exception. After I painstaking installed the curtains, he peered into the kitchen and began his opening remarks with this:

Taylor: I don’t know if that really… works. Like, I don’t know if that’s the right color. It’s just so bold. And doesn’t exactly match the kitchen theme. I’d probably put this curtain in the kids’ room and for the kitchen use a solid herringbone pattern on organic silk to really localize that french farmhouse cottage accent style I like.

Me: *implodes*

After Taylor casually shamed the new curtains to death, I reminded him that for the past 364 nights, I’ve startled our backyard neighbor through the kitchen window’s view by getting a midnight drink of water in the nude. This has happened so often that now that neighbor and I have an upcoming rock-paper-scissors battle to determine which one of us is going to volunteer for the sex offender registry list.

The bottom line is: we finally have curtains and I can live peacefully as the private nudist I was meant to be.

(Don’t tell Taylor, but I do think these would look really cute in the kids’ room.)