Leaving the hospital after the baby is born is terrifying. I felt safe in the hospital. There were loving nurses everywhere to help me figure out what to do with the new tiny human. They even took her to sleep in the nursery when I was in need of sleep. When we were discharged, I suddenly felt abandoned and completely on my own. I felt consumed by a never-ending list of worries.

Well friends, here are some of the items we new moms need to take off that list of worries. There are so many things already that we naturally stress over. And that’s just not fair to a woman who created and delivered a human being.  Let’s take some of those stresses off your shoulders.

1. You Don’t Need to be Attractive

How I think I look:

Reality:

When I came home from the hospital, I was really proud of my body. After all, it did just create another human being. That’s some crazy bean sauce right there. I didn’t care about the water pooch that hung (and still hangs) off my stomach. I was satisfied with a shower and simple pony-tail. Then, a few weeks later, a friend visited and laughed that I now had a “mom butt”. Lack of sleep made me a little extra-sensitive than usual, but I took the comment to heart. I started to feel embarrassed of my body, and didn’t want to be looked at by anyone.

I was being so overly self-conscious that I almost forgot an important message.
Your worth of a person is not determined by your look. Or how much cake you eat.

The number of consecutive days you’ve worn those sweats does not equal your worth. Not even close. You are of infinite worth, especially to your family, and especially to your little baby. To that baby, you are the entire world. That’s a pretty cool feeling when you think about it.

2. You Don’t Have to Accept Unsolicited Advice

Everyone and their dog have some advice to give you about your new baby, whether you asked for it or not. Technically, that’s what I doing right now on this blog. Thanks for reading. 😉 Some of the advice can be helpful while other thoughts border the more ridiculous side. I’ve found it’s easier to just listen and then thank them for their ideas. Some of those tidbits might actually come in hand, even the crazy ones. If it doesn’t, well at least you validated someone else by listening.
On the days that you do feel overwhelmed though, this advice is usually pretty solid:

3. You’ll Learn Your Baby’s Language

When Arrow was born, I was up every time she made some sort of grunt, squeak, or rustling in her blankets, terrified that she was in danger. I never wanted to be a paranoid mom, but the over-protectiveness kicked in real quick. That was a good thing though!. It helped me learn what noises meant she was hungry, uncomfortable, or just practicing her babbles. 
Over time you’ll figure out what your baby’s usual noises are, and what isn’t so normal.  

4. Ask for Help, Even When it’s Awkward.

Arrow has been having trouble with food allergies from nursing. Currently, we’re trying out formula to see if it helps her feel better. 

One sad morning, I woke up and realized we were out of her formula. Taylor had already left, taking our only car. I needed to get to the store, but asking for help was SO uncomfortable.  I tried to nurse her like normal, but it only made her feel worse. Finally, I asked a neighbor to watch her, and to borrow their car to grab that formula real quick. 

Why is asking for help such a hard thing? If anyone asked me to help them, I would feel honored. For some reason, I just feel bad for imposing on someone else. I’m practicing at this by reminding myself I’m sharing the chance for someone else to feel that honor and those warm fuzzies. Spread the love, brethren.

5. You Don’t Always Have it Together and That’s Okay.

There was a rockin nurse who reached out to me in the hospital during a particularly hard night. She told me that I didn’t need to be strong for anyone, and that I could cry whenever I felt the need. That made me feel so much better on the days that I felt gross and sad. You don’t need to save face for anyone.

6. It’s Okay to Limit Visitors

Similarly, don’t feel bad about putting off visitors. (Unless they’re there to help you clean/cook/ or whatever. You may want them to come over and never leave.) Personally, I felt exhausted by the idea of entertaining anyone when I all wanted to do was sleep. Your tiny baby will still be tiny three weeks later. Your visitors can see them then.  It’s fine to ask them to come over at a later time. Take time to chill and adjust to the new stage. If you’re concerned about hurting feelings, take a moment to explain how you’re feeling right now. They’ll probably understand. If they don’t, oh well! Your needs come first.

7. Mom Guilt Doesn’t Make You Less of a Mom.

My first experience of mom guilt came on strong one night when Arrow was extra colicky. Finally at my wits end, I laid her in the crib, and left the room to catch a break. I felt horrible  listening to her screams. Nothing Taylor or I did could comfort her. 

We sat together on the couch, just listening and praying for how to comfort her. Answers didn’t come. Taylor told me that I didn’t need to feel like I was any less of a mom because I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I didn’t need to feel guilty about taking a break either. I did the best I could, and that was going to have to be enough. He was right. Luckily, he was able to take the part of the night shift, so I was able to sleep on the couch for a few hours while he wore figure 8 patterns in the carpet, rocking our distressed little one. 

After a few hours of sleep, I took over, feeling rejuvenated for the challenge of a colicky babe.

(We never did figure out if there was a cause to her distress but she felt much better the next day!) 

You’re doing everything you can for your family. That’s enough. You are enough. Please take a few minutes, even if it’s against your nature, to relax and gather your bearings.

I hope this helps lighten your load of worries. Like I said, this is stuff I have to remind myself everyday. Eventually the thought takes hold, and I start to feel normal again. Babies challenge you like you’ve never been challenged before. So it’s totally okay to break down on occasion. It’s chill. It’s all chill. 🙂

Luv ‘n’ stuff,Chaun